Unknown Variable

For the longest time I thought that I hated him.

I would jump to rage with the same speed that I jumped and forgive him .

Until my forbearance went into foreclosure where none could live.

I thought I hated him.

I would speak out of turn using words that would burn through skin; pierce the flesh and hollow out bone.

I thought I hated him.

I watched him pierce his dick through the time and space that it took for me to feel safe.

I hate feeling it.

I watched his lack of will to chill and build a home roam from host to bed post.

I hated the vortex of love that he created.

Trying to keep me sedated, separated from calm waters and deep love.

I hated the black hole that it became pulling away everything we felt like a remnant of love.

Nothing could escape because nothing was above that which the abyss he built ate,

down the very gravity that made him so damn perfect to me.

I hated the part of me that wanted to be free; I sewed comfort onto my pain.

I hated so many things and suffered many woes but I didn’t still hate him.

I wish so bad that I did.

I didn’t hate him; I just didn’t love him anymore.