Chapter 2

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Chapter 2 of my Poetry Series:    

"Love; Lust; Limerence and other drugs"

  https://seagxddess.blogspot.com/

Aftermath of Wrath

​

I don’t think I can forget this feeling; 

Failing after trying it all.

I was so loyal that I betrayed myself;

and I saw it after everyone else. 

I tried to fix it with space; but I stopped

taking up my own. 

I tried to fix it with time; but I stopped

keeping track of mine. 

I tried fixing it with flesh; but “that”

wanted my bones. 

I tried fixing it by building; but “that”

wanted my rubbled home. 

I tried living in peace; but "that" kept bringing

home trouble.

I don’t think I’ll forgive this feeling;

simply for being felt. 

I don’t think I’ll try again; because once

you have to try to fix it nothing helps. 

~FIN~

Peace

Calm down; its okay to start again.

Breathe in; you gotta be your own best friend.

Relax; its  okay to take a step back.

Start at 100; discomfort is an attack.

Find your way to 0; so you can start at one

Back to your center before the battles start to come.

Where your love was leveled; before the war began.

Find your way calm; calmness is where you begin.

No Contact

I told you I can’t help you do shit. 

I gave you too much energy; now that energy is spent.

I can’t help you relieve no burdens. 

I left with all of my own.

I can’t even help you take a piss. 

You came to my Queendom and did that on my throne.

I can't see where you are honest at; not to call you a liar. 

You pour gasoline on bridges; drop off a lit match and blame some else for the fires.

That dont make you a liar; maybe I should say an opp.

Got the nerve to ask me shit when you worst than a cop.

Go ask one of them neighbors you was sleeping around with.

My bad you just wanted a cup of water.

 

We got bottled at the house; and the bill ain't printed yet.

Your mouth stayed dry; but your dick got wet.

Bro you gotta pick it up how I’m laying it down;

I’m not your friend cause I was your clown.

You put me in every circus available in town "friend".

With a friend like you who needs an enemy then? 

You got forgiveness mixed with; a clean slate 

you did too much damage for that to date.

There is nothing to left forgive. 

The lies been processed; I have finished my bid. 

I can’t give you the space to apologize for what I already know you did.

Ain’t no reintroduction necessary we’re not family bro. 

I’m not even your co-parent; I’m somebody you used to know.

Keep it that way.

You set up the game we gonna run the whole play. 

I’m a fix this same table and I’m a eat off a new plate. 

This struggle ain’t new to me; it’s slowly getting better instead of worse I dare say.

 

Its taking me a while cause I had to put out the fires that you started. 

Redeeming my reputation from chasing flying monkeys; turning off that gaslight. 

So to every question you got my answer is hell no! Alright!

Falling in

You don’t have be perfect.

You don't have to be right.

You don't have to be strong.

You don't have to fight.

This life is full of storms;

and its full of pain.

You could be surrounded by chaos

and still be at peace.

Don't hold on to the past;

let the future just be.

Be kind in your mind;

meditate to clear your head.

Don't hold every thought 

let them flow in and out like breath.

Think of exactly who you want to be;

dress yourself from head to foot.

Think of the most peaceful place

that you have never been.

Think of the floors under your feet;

think  and  take the most comfortable seat.

Now breathe steady, slow, and deep;

relax fully here you are at peace.

Spared

I can't fight for you;

I don't even have the will.

I have a loving heart but love isn't all I feel.

I fell between lines and underneath words.

Good lust is like a high but bad love can make you ill.

Love hurts; fake love kills.

Passion is pretty; it's beautiful until it ends.

So let nothing fester and don't be afraid to let it end. 

Save herself by will

Beauty is delicate; so divinely tailored only GOD can destroy it.

A weak man will try; a sick man will cage beauty just to watch it die.

Beauty is complex; it is fear inducing and awe inspiring when caught in the act of saving itself.

Beauty can harden or soften but true beauty never fades.

It resonates from inside; beauty goes into all that beauty gave.

A beautiful spirit is a beautiful being from the cradle to the grave.

Remote Fantasy

Lips press together, no curve, just straight.

"You want to perform; act like it's just a date."

Fill my lungs with air; behind my ear tuck my hair.

"Relax; its time to begin."

"Can I take your order?"

 "I'm going to win"

"I'll have one of these and that to drink"

"When we get home; I'm going to put you on your knees."

"I'm not giving up."

"Who said you had permission?"

Tuck the lower lip behind my teeth.

"Who's my good girl?"

I’m not a girl; but definitely me.

"And how about you ma'am?"

"I'll just take everything he got."

Eyes lock. Smile.

"I'll be back when your order is ready."

"Now where were we...yeah."

Sit upright; press my foot on to my ankle.

Press my knees together; clinch my thighs.

Smile gently now; make eye contact with people passing.

Bow my head to a tilt hide the exhaustion.

Look away again...

Breaking I cry out in confusion.

Knock over the wine; play into the illusion.

Exhale so that I can breathe; deep; deeper; inhale to its peak.

"Who's my good girl?"

"Dude you are such a freak."

Departures

I separated from it. 

I took my memories of love;

not romance just love.

Then I cut the cords;

unwound what was bound.

I let go.

I didn't fight to stick around

lover, family or friend.

Act like you want me gone

I'm going to treat it like an invitation .

Traffick Man

I should not be your concern; I don't want to be.

I want to finish what started the day that I departed to remain unseen.

I am not mentioning your names.

You don't get to inflict my pain and suffering

then tell me how to heal.

You don't get to take from me and kill then talk about what's happening.

You don't get to give an ounce and shit a pound on me.

You don't get to take food out of my mouth then call me weak for asking for bread.

You don't get to say and show  you hate me then cry because I go.

You don't get to treat me like I didn't deserve life then judge how I live.

I deserve my life and I learned that from removing you.

OUT

I release myself from your dangerous habits.

I release myself from the lie that I believed.

You are no where near someone like me.

I release myself from your life threatening parenting skill.

I release myself from your hurtful blood-ties.

I release myself from your like-minded surroundings.

I release myself from the mockery of excellence.

I release myself from drama fueled foolishness.
I am free from diminished accomplishments.

I am liberated from putting out fires started by stupidity.

I am done running in place just to make the wheels spin.

I live in peace; I keep low functioning people and spirits away from me.

I don’t need to battle unhealed, self hating nor bullies just to stand.

I am not teaching my daughters what I didn't know what made me look a fool.

Dont to run behind any man; if he act like he wants to leave let him have a go.

If you have to stand in front of judge for help with  them kids then he a whore.

Too weak to admit that his family is the street’s; he is fathered by his opps.

He loves his suppliers; he nurtures his habits.

I gave up looking for truth in the words of a liar.

I crawled out of depression; I stopped grieving the loss.

I am free of a lost cause that’s just not how I want life to be; 

street medication seeking from your enemy YEAH that's enough for me.

Do whatever it is you want; I am free.

Shut the window

Looking for peace in chaos is pointless;

but trying to find it is addictive.

Letting it go and leaving it alone is the only solution.

I am the catalyst; a catapult for what is resistant to change.

If they scar me with malice; they'll be healed with pain.

Keeper of the Balance can release sorrow like rain. 

By HIS love I come out of battles beaming; wounded and unafraid.

Move like Sahara sands I am the sharpest blade.

Still wisdom won't let me waste myself in a space or with man.

That takes progress from my purpose and makes life quicksand.

The only thing offered is being stuck in cycles victims cannot bare to leave.

They think treachery a call  to action untrustworthy in their misdeeds.

They put all faith in tit for tat; crooked is the only way they play.

They would rob and orphan blind then weep about the bed they made.

Take flight like the breeze  I'm not what you need; 

shut the window and stay away from me.

Insomnia

My brain is a most uncommon possession.

Beautiful beyond flesh and finance;

nothing exists that I would trade it for.

I love my brain; so much that having it belong exclusively to me excites my being constantly.

It’s process either sends me to ecstasy or completely dissects what's vexing me .

Releasing my inhabitations with its divergence from the perfection I demand.

No it is not a lapse in judgment; it is inner rebellion it makes a choice and takes stance.

Handing my rationale a list of demands; and while “the mind” and me are distracted 

the fucking brain takes action.

Why is my brain independent?

My brain is mine but does not belong to me.

It is in no prison.

It lives without captivity.

My brain is free; to do what it damn well pleases.

My brain has its own audacity.

While I’m begging my brain to just act right.

We can pick up negotiations at first light.